Deadly Life
by Lonewritersclub
Summary: Edward is sick with an eating disorder and no one knows except Bella, his girlfriend. And they are very much in love. When Edward's situation becomes so drastic Bella has to make actions even though Edward isn't that happy about it. But she loves him and can't let him continue his deadly life. /FOR ADOPTION
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own the characters from Twilight. You know it already.  
**

* * *

"I feel terrible!" I moaned. I was hanging over the porcelain bowl and throwing up everything I had inside me. Even when there wasn't anything. That's why I was throwing up blood. Yucky...

"You must feel. You're fucking throwing up blood! I think we should call a doctor. We definitely should call a doctor. Edward let me call the doctor", Bella babbled behind me. "My dad is working there. And if I go to the hospital, he will know. Can't you see that I don't want him to know?" I asked annoyed. I felt something coming up my throat again.

"But you're sick. Obviously. And you go to the doctor when you're sick. So go to the mother fucking doctor Edward! It doesn't matter if your dad will know about this. It even might be for the best", she said. I could feel her walking in circles nervous. "Edward please."

I felt little better now when everything was gone from me. But I also felt extremely weak. I backed from the toilet and wobbled to my bed from the bathroom. "Could you maybe get me some water first?" I asked Bella. She ran her fingers through her hair. Something she had caught from me. "Alright. But then we are going to the hospital", she said and went downstairs.

I shook my head frustrated and laid on the bed. I just wanted to sleep, but I was little afraid that I might actually fall into a coma. If my dad would know about my anorexia he would probably fucking force-feed me and that I didn't want. So he couldn't know. Bella was the only one who knew. She appreciated my wish to not to tell anyone. And I understood her now when this happened that she wanted me to go to the hospital.

But I just couldn't. I knew it was the illness making me feel so and you should fight against it. But I felt like I didn't want to. It had been with me so long. Hurting me so much, but also making me feel better. Or maybe I was crazy. You know anorexia is a mental illness.

"Edward!" Bella yelled suddenly and shook me rapidly. I quickly opened my eyes to meet her brown, scared ones. "God, I thought you went unconscious. Here's the water." She handed me the water and I drank some of it. It was really cold and woke me little bit from the tiredness. "You know I feel better now. I don't think I really need to go hospital", I said hoping she would buy it. Of course not. She snarled at me. "We are going. That is not normal. And you should go anyway. Don't you want to get better?" she asked me worried.

"I don't know", I answered glumly. She smiled at me comfortingly. "It's alright. But could you just trust me for once that if we go it would be for the best."

I turned my head from her persuasive eyes. I had to think about this really carefully. If I go now... I might get better. I might get worse. Or both. "I don't know what to do", I confessed. "Follow me", she said and I looked at her. "To the hospital?" She nodded. Well, I guess I could give it try. She was gonna be there so it could be little easier then than just to go by myself and face my fears.

And so I follow her.

* * *

Alright. I tried to write something again in English. This probably sucks as well, but what do you do. But practice makes you better so why don't give it a try.

But maybe you even might like this. Or I really hope so. Leave me reviews if you want me to continue. And just so we are clear from the start; the chapters won't be long, and you know why. And my vocabulary isn't that fine so don't expect this story to be full of adjectives and stuff. Yeah, I think that's all. And by the way I'm not coping any storyline even when there's a story (in my favorites) of an anorexic Edward. Because there a many anorexic Bellas too and so on so this is really just another story. It's all by me. Except for the characters of course.


	2. Chapter 2

I know some of you don't like this story, so I got an advice for you. Stop reading!

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We went to the ER and quickly we got to the doctor, lucky not seeing any trace of my father.

"Well, so could you please tell me what happened?" the old looking doctor with red hair asked us. Well me, but Bella was right beside me so it was kind of directed to both of us. I squirm nervously in the wooden chair.

"Bella and I were doing homework at my place. I started feeling queasy so I headed for the toilet. I tried to empty my stomach, but it pretty much was empty already. So then I just kind of... started vomiting blood", I explained staring to the floor.

"Even if your stomach were empty if you haven't eaten anything in a while, you shouldn't be throw up blood. If you would then it would mean you wouldn't have eaten in months", doctor said bewildered. I bit my lip and wiggled my fingers.

Suddenly the doctor seemed to get it. "Um, Edward it was?" I nodded mildly. I was a nervous wreck now. "Do you starve yourself, Edward? It's nothing to be ashamed of. It's an illness that can be beaten. And I know an excellent eating disorder specialist and a nutritionist. I could give you her number. Her name is Clary Frann. Now I just need to know do you have an eating disorder?" he asked crossing his hands on the table and leaned forward.

"I can't do this", I whispered. I wasn't sure if anyone heard me or did I just said that to myself. They still saw me mouth something. "Um, I know it might be hard to acknowledge it, but if you don't it will be a very unhealthy and miserable life that can lead in the worst cases to death. You must understand that?" he continued. I stayed silent.

"Edward, please talk to me", he pleaded. "I need to go", I whispered. I got up in a hurry and walk past a startled Bella and went outside. I heard Bella screaming me to come back, but as walked fast out of the entrance doors I started running. I ran as fast as I could. I didn't know where I was going and I didn't care. I just needed to go.

I knew that I have a problem, so why was I so frightened by the doctors conclusion? Anyway, I was terrified.

I found myself in a meadow that was surrounded by tall, dark green trees . It was sunny and the blue, white, violet and yellow flowers were bathing in it. It was absolutely beautiful. And then I just cried. The salty waterfall that fell from my eyes let me unfold my uneasy feelings. What was I suppose to do now? Everything was ruined! As the doctor knew about my situation it wouldn't be a secret from my parents for long.

I heard my cell phone ring. I was going to shut it, but when I read that it was Bella I just had to answer. "Bella", I sighted. "I'm sorry, honey. I don't want to pressure you to anything, but this is really serious now. You understand me, right?" Bella said. I heard tears in her voice. I felt really bad for making her feel so sad.

"I understand, but it's just... really hard for me. I don't even know if I can compose myself right now", I confessed. "Well, could I can come over? Maybe I can help you. Where are you?" she asked. I suddenly heard traffic sounds. She was talking to phone while driving?! She could get hurt so easily, when she couldn't even walk without tripping. "Are you driving? You shouldn't do that!" I shouted worried about her safety. "Just tell me your location", she asked. "I don't really know... I'm on a flowery meadow surrounded by dark green forest. Does that tell you anything?"

"Hey! I might know where you're! I coming there. Just wait a minute. Or a five", she said. And so I waited.


	3. Chapter 3

My computer is in a crap mode, so it keeps shutting down for some reason in my middle of the writing process. So there actually have been pretty good chapters, but they have disappeared from the shutting down system. I'm in rage by this, but it has happened so many times that it becomes usual.

But because I have to write the chapters again it takes my time away, and then when I write down again the chapter won't be that good, 'cause I've been hurrying. Anyway here is the third chapter for you. I just wanted to explain the bad writing to you.

* * *

The sky was getting dark when Bella finally came. She looked very tired, but hurried to me. She sat down next to me on the green grass which was slightly wet.

"I'm sorry it took so long. There happened to be an accident on the road to here", she said as she hugged me. I only held her against my chest tightly, not saying a word. Of course it did kind of shock me that there was an accident. There usually weren't any. It was so tranquil here in Forks. Such a small town, you know.

"How did you find this place? I found it once when I was picking up blueberries", she told me. "I ran here by mistake", I responded quietly. I let go of her that I could see her beautiful face. Those brown eyes were like dark chocolate. Not flat, but deep. I wanted to dive in there and forget everything and let the restful peace bring me to sleep.

"What?" she asked laughing at my concentrated and mesmerized face. "Nothing. You are just so fascinating", I answered softly. She smiled at me awkwardly looking down. I leaned for a kiss and she answered to it immediately. So soft, so warm, so comforting. "I love you", I breathed. "I love you", she said back to me.

"Is everything alright?" I asked her. Did the accident have anything to deal with her? "Yeah, sure. Are you okay?" Her voice was full of worry. I really don't want her to always worry for me. And that she does it makes me hate myself to the gut. I wasn't her responsibility. I just wanted to be hers.

"I'm not good, I guess", I answered truthfully. I mean c'mon, I just went to the doctor and they basically told me that I had an serious eating disorder.

"Do you want to get better? I just want to know, because if you do, then we can start the recovery. And if you want I will be next to you all the time. You don't have to do this alone", Bella said cupping my cheek.

"Recovery?" I repeated the word like it burned my tongue. And it kind of did.

"Don't you want to get better?" she asked horrified, her eyes big from the shock. "I don't know!" I burst out. Another line of tears came in to my eyes and some of them fell on my cheeks and to Bellas hand. I felt terrible that that I didn't know the answer to her simple question.

"Shh, baby. Calm down. We've time. But we don't have forever. And the time is running out faster than normal, when you're sick", she said and went for the hug again. I greedily took it. I placed my head on her shoulder and soaked that piece of fabric on her blue shirt.

"I'm so sorry. I really am. I don't want to be like this, but I can't image myself being anything else. This is familiar and safe", I told her with my voice strained and weak.

"It's not safe. It may be familiar and comforting, but it's not safe. And when you experience this feeling what I have. That feeling when you're healthy and alright, it's the best. You don't see it like that now and it's part of the sickness. But you will, when you're like that", she said and padded my back.

"Will you stay with me then? If I try, will you help me?" I asked her desperate. "Of course. I love you. I can't live without you", she said smiling little.

"What if I don't succeed?" She started frowning. But then her expression changed into a confident one.

"You will, because I will help you. You can't fail", she answered and pecked my lips and stood up. "Now, are you ready to confront your parents, because you need to tell them now?"

"I guess I have to", I mumbled and took her hand when she offered to help me up.


	4. Chapter 4

I drove Edward home and and came inside as well. Edward had something to tell to his parents and it wouldn't be easy. So I was going to hide in his room until he was finished. Then I would comfort him the best I could. I could see from his eyes that he was going to have it rough. His parents were very strict. I just hoped they wouldn't be too angry to him.  
This wasn't Edward fault. Of course he could have told them about his situation before, but when I thought about having an eating disorder myself, it would be difficult to tell about it to anyone. And the sickness wants to keep itself as a secret anyway.

I got upstairs and leaved the terrified looking Edward in the living room to confront his parents. I went to Edwards room and sat down on his king-sized bed. I got ready for yelling. I was afraid that something would happen to Edward. What if he would decide to run away suddenly if he couldn't cope with the reality?

But it was completely quiet. I didn't hear anything from downstairs. But after about fifteen minutes Edward came into his room. He just silently walked to the other side of the bed and laid down on it. I watched him worried. He didn't say anything and then just closed his eyes. I guess I had ask to have answers even though I didn't want to pressure him.

"How did it go?" I presumed it didn't go that well, when he acted like this, but I had to ask.

He shook his head to me. After that I saw wetness behind his long, dark eyelashes. I came closer to him and wrapped my hands around his thin, skeleton like frame. He was so light that I could easily pick his waist up that I could put my arms around him as so. Then I laid my head down on his bony chest. His body didn't disgust me even like this, because I always thought he was beautiful as he is. But I couldn't put beside the fact that his size was almost three times smaller than mine. And I wasn't even that big built. I was actually the opposite of it. I was so afraid that I might brake his fragile self sometime.

"Please don't cry. It's gonna be alright. It might not seem like that now, but I tell you so, so believe me", I said. He was so cold. I longed his warmth. He must long it too, it had to be horrible to feel freezing all the time. I could only hope he would have the strength in him to recover. Or he would just have to settle for my own warmth. At least then he would be close to me all the time.

He put his long arms on top of my back. I kissed his shirt under me, thankful that he came back to me. Then I heard him weep. It made me have tears in my eyes as well. "It's gonna be alright, it's gonna be alright...", I continued to repeat through the frog in my throat. I knew I didn't sound very convincing, but I hoped it was better than nothing. And nothing was all we got right now.

"Come on now. Shh...", I hushed him and climbed closer to his face. His emerald green eyes were open and glistening from the tears. It made his eyes look even brighter than before, when the sunsets last rays strike his eyes. He looked at me sadly. I kissed his vivid red lips. I tried to muster as much love to it as I could get from myself. And that was a lot. It was astonishing that he didn't lose his consciousness from it. Though it made both of us catch our breath. "Better now?" I asked smiling a little. He smiled back to me, but just a little as well. "This is not the end of the world. It's going to be okay, as I said", I told him stroking his amazing, extraordinary, unique, handsome hair. "I know", he said back quietly. "I will always love you. I love you now. So it'll be alright then."

"Exactly", I agreed. And then another kiss...


	5. Chapter 5

"Well, I guess is time to get back to the doctor", Bella suddenly said to my chest. _Just when I was about to relax..._ What? We're going back? I mean I do want to try to get better, but I don't think I'm ready to meet at the doctors office yet.

"Now?" I asked her shaken. "Yes... I think you really need the professional help. I would be there", Bella said. She started to rub my bony ribs trying to comfort me. I didn't really work at all.

"I know, but... Can't we tried this first just alone?" I almost pleaded. "I guess so. But you really need to make an effort then. I know you will, but... It is going to be hard, you know that?" She really sounded unsure about my words.

"Of course. But I'm going to make", I told her strongly. She hold me more firmly to herself, but then let go. "Okay, well let's go to dinner." She jumped up and started already going downstairs.

I stiffened for a second. I haven't eaten a dinner in... I don't even remember when I last ate a proper meal or even close to a bowl of cereal. I have only ate, when I was close to passing out.

She waited me in the kitchen. My parents were gone. They said that they were planning on going for a walk and they did that even with the heavy information about my situation. And I was grateful for it. I couldn't counter them once more this evening. They were so quiet. Completely shocked. My dad looked at me terrified. He was a doctor. Probably he thought he should have seen it.

"What would you like to eat?" she asked same time looking into the cabinets. I shrugged at her. How should I know? I didn't want to eat at all.

"Hey, here is some leftover lasagne. Let's have that. Or are your parents going to eat this?" she asked holding a plate full of lasagna, at least for two. "I don't think so. They said to me in the morning, that when I get back from school I could have it if I was hungry", I told her.

"Well then that's settled. We're having lasagna for your first meal in months", she said smiling and heated up the dinner in a microwave. "In years", I corrected her not thinking, because after that I saw her looking at me amazed. A tear rolling down her cheek. I came closer and dried it with my thumb. "Sorry", I said with a weak voice.

"No, no. I just feel so bad for you. I'm sorry", she uttered to me. "Let's just sit down", I said and sat down in a chair by the window and put her sitting on my lap. We stayed there silently until the microwave peeped and Bella got up to set the food for us. But she served it only on one plate. I raised my brows at her and she said: "I thought it might be easier for you if we would just eat it from the same plate. That it wouldn't pressure you so much when I would share it with you like this."

"That I wouldn't see how much I'm getting...", I foresaw what she was saying. Then I just hummed wanting this to end right here. No more talking about it, when there were much worse thing ahead of me.

She took the first bite. I looked her a little bit in awe, because... Actually I don't really know. I picked up the fork and catch some pasta to it. Stirring the fork on the plate awhile, I put it in my mouth.

My first instinct was to spit it out, but I managed to swallow it in pain. My body craved for it, but my mind kept pushing the crave away. I wasn't used to listen to my body and I was completely messed up with it now, when I had to. When I was allowed to.

"Good?" she asked grinning a bit and took another bite herself. I couldn't help but laugh a little. "I don't know... Do you like it?" I asked her bewildered. "Yes. It's delicious. Your mum is a good cook", she praised. I could only shrug again, but I knew my mother was a good cook. Everyone always bragged about her food. Especially my father Carlisle.

"Keep on going. You're doing well", Bella said as I had stopped eating my half. I had been lost in thought and I got startled. I continued on eating which seemed to be a little easier every time. But I could see that after this, it would get harder when I have to manage to keep the food inside me.

And suddenly I was done. Bella was waiting me smiling and hugged me tightly. "Well done! I'm so proud of you", she squealed to me. She and I quickly rinsed the dishes and then went back to my room.

She placed us on the black couch next to the window-wall and snuggled against me. "How do you feel?" she asked me looking at me worried. "Fine, I guess. But I don't know how long. And there are so many other meals ahead. I don't know how I can manage it", I told her truthfully.

"Yeah, I know. But when you're recovered you don't even have to think about it. It will be natural really", she said. "Yes, but... We can't be so sure. Not yet", I told her sadly.

* * *

**If you don't care, then don't care about this either. **

I'm not sure if I can keep on writing this. I'm truly sorry about that for the ones who were interested on this story. I will keep on writing the other stories that I have, but right now I'm not sure if I have the time... Or really it's basically just about that I don't have the English vocabulary I need. I can't write what I really want to and so it doesn't make the right to this story. It just seems so flat right now.

Many of you have said that this story isn't the worth to write and I think that they're right. Just because I can't write what I really want to, 'cause I don't have the words to.

I seem pathetic now and I guess I am. But I can actually write quite good stories, but that's when I have words to write them so they are rich with feeling. It is a shame if you can't read Finnish and it's more so that I can't write English that well.

But I will try to practice it by writing smaller stories. Not the types of this.

Though my writings in Finnish will be longer. By the way, just so you don't understand me wrong, or actually the Finnish people, the deal is that I'm just the one who can't write that good. It doesn't mean that all Finns are like that just so you know, because we get a lot of crap about not being able to speak or write correctly the international English language. There are people who you would think that are English just because they sound so (and act so), but are actually Finnish.

So please, don't judge other Finns like they don't understand a thing. It's only in my case for now.

Yes, this story has ended for me. If anyone wants to adopt this story from me, then tell me and I will give you the rights to do so. Please end it well, sadly or happily and make it better than I did.

(I will tell you if someone has already adopted this story and where is it to be found)


	6. Chapter 6

Wow, this must interest you. Yeah, don't read it if you don't care about my personal life or so. Though this really isn't about me.

So I was in class and there are these two boys who are talking to each other. Well I happen to overhear what they are talking about and I suddenly get a bit concerned.

Boy 1: I think I have man boobs. I should go on a diet. ( He's actually really skinny and definitely hasn't "man boobs". )

Boy 2: No, no. You don't need to go on a diet.

/Now it didn't quite go like that, but you get the point... Or not. I will explain.

Interesting, but why did you tell that to us, you must think. Well I told you that because doesn't that concern you a bit? Because seriously the boy was all lean and stuff and suddenly he just says something like that. I mean I have never even heard girls talk those things ( not for the boob part, about dieting ).

And here's another and this is from one class again and because it was some special day the teacher handed us some like buns with sugar on top of them. They are really delicious. They have cinnamon and such... Anyways on with this. By the way these are some other boys.

Boy 1: Do you know how much calories these "buns" have?

Boy 2: No.

Boy 1: Very little actually.

/ Now when boys started talking about calories and stuff? I understand that it's okay if they talk about it, but don't you think it's a bit weird? Because, again, I have never heard even girls talk about that stuff. Or I might be deaf.

So when you hear "girls only get anorexia", or "only girls think about their weight." Things like that, well say to that person that he/she is wrong. Anorexia on men is in an increasing number. So you never know when it might top the level of girls or over it.

I don't really know how to say what I really wanted to say, but I guess I just thought you should hear this. You can make your own corollaries about it. I just felt little strange about it, that's all. And I don't mean these boys here are anorexic. I don't know what I meant actually. Just give it a thought.

Yeah, and is there now anyone who would be interested about adopting this story from me?


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